So everyone is pregnant, as far as I can tell. Everyone! But, uh, not me. Not trying, even. Due to the pills I’m on, probably couldn’t be even if I tried. I just, like, have eyes and can’t help but notice that everyone is pregnant.
I’m sure it’s hyperbole, but today, for example, I went through the +15 to the next building to grab some lunch, and saw, I swear, 7 very pregnant ladies. Two were standing in front of me in line. Walking from my office to J’s daycare? It’s a 10 minute walk though the +15s, and I have never seen less than 4 pregnant women. (Okay, sure, they could be the same ones everyday, but I still see them.) I work in a group of 30 people, 13 of whom are female (not bad for a STEM field), and 2 of them are pregnant. I’m back downtown, working in a very corporate world, and I’m surrounded by lush, fertile women who are gloriously, roundly pregnant.
And I’m so jealous I’m practically salivating.
I’ve said it before, I was never really baby hungry before I had Baby J. It was a cerebral decision, more than anything. I never had baby fever, or heard a ticking clock, or whatever other cliche that can be used to describe the longing for a baby. But now? Holy fuck, you guys. WANT. NEEEED. It’s the strangest feeling. It feels like a walking cliche, to be so eager, but here we are.
And while we are totally planning a second, not yet. I’d rather have them +2 years instead of -2 years apart . I *just* got back to work, and I owe it to myself to give this a serious go. I’m still on the domperidone, and that’s done insane things to my cycle. It’s not fair to J to do anything until we figure out what’s wrong with her. (She’s down to 17 pounds – 1 pound over her 5 month weight.) I refuse to wean until she stops losing weight or at the very least starts drinking any form of calorie, and I want to have my body to myself for a few months before I get pregnant again. I’m simply not ready to try again yet, and neither is David. Mentally, I get it. In fact, mentally, I have no desire to start trying right now.
But viscerally? WANT SO MUCH.
At the end of the day, we’re all just animals, right? It’s stuff like this – this crazy longing – that really brings that home to me.