That’s the only word to describe the first day back in the office after a year of mat leave. Totally, completely surreal. It was a bizarre mix of “what the fuck am I doing here? where’s the baby?” and “what do you mean I ever left?”
And it’s not like things haven’t changed. The company moved in to a brand spanking new office tower, I’m officially a tech and not an admin, there are 13 new people in our group of 25 people. We’re on a new operating system, and my monitors are even bigger, so even the view of my screen is different. (And by big? I mean huge. A pair of 24 inch monitors. It’s a good thing it’s a big desk.) I currently don’t know what, exactly, the new role will require me to like, DO every day.
But other things haven’t changed. My three favourite people are still in the group. My boss is still my boss. There’s a constant struggle with budget and personalities. (The stock price is still junk.)
I have lunch dates and new shoes and a pair of monitors (I know I go on, but man, they make work so much easier). I have a paycheque coming and options that just vested and coworkers and software and a brand new electric desk. I felt… normal.
I also spent the whole damn day trying to get the daycare camera to work, so I could watch my little baby play.
Yeah. One foot in a pretty black heel, the other in barefoot. I’m not the first, and I’m not the last. The main feeling for today was, oddly, how fucking NORMAL it felt. I thought it would take a little bit more time than that, you know?
But we shall see. I can revoke all this tomorrow and go back to being a hysterical mess, keening in the car in the parking lot of the daycare.