A house of tears

It’s amazing how little it takes to emotionally derail a day, even now.  A screaming teething baby who can only be comforted for short intervals.  PTSD insomnia.  (I joke.  But 45 minutes after I go to sleep she wakes up every fucking time, and now I can’t go to sleep because I know when I do she’ll wake up.  So I lie there and can’t fall asleep instead of only getting a fragment of sleep.)  Planning my day around a Starbucks visit (I KNOW) and getting there only to be told that they’re out of lactaid milk, so no latte for me.  A 35 minute wait at the public health clinic, a place I’ve never waited for more than 5 extra minutes before.

It’s 12:35 in the morning.  She’s only been in bed for 2 hours, so it won’t even be hunger – just pure baby sadness screaming at me from the monitor.

It’s going to be another long, long night.

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3 responses to “A house of tears

  1. This is why I can never nap when she’s napping, because even if she WASN’T going to wake up, I can’t relax because she MIGHT wake up. It’s like falling asleep when you expect your alarm to go off at ANY RANDOM SECOND.

  2. Wow, that is brutal! I know what you mean about not being able to fall asleep when you know the baby wakeup is coming soon. I’m so lucky that I haven’t had a really awful night in a while now, but I can almost feel the lack of sleep panic when I think about it. Reminding myself that this won’t last forever always helped me a little, but those nights can totally feel like forever. And then any extra aggravation is so magnified! I hope you get some good rest soon!

  3. Oh honey.

    I’m the person who sobs when the hot water runs out mid-shower, so I know that sometimes the crazy can come on from the craziest things.

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