So. The baby blues are crashing down hard around here. I managed to only cry once yesterday, but today’s already gone a bit wet. And this is with David still home! He’s back to work part time on Monday and the thought of that unwinds me, more than a bit. It’s hormones, mostly. Pure, crashing, overpowering hormones. Combined with continuing c-section pain that I keep making worse when I forget that I can’t, in fact, lift my daughter out of her bassinet and in to the bed without first standing up, carefully lifting her, placing her on the bed, then sitting myself back down and trying to get back in a comfortable position for feeding. I always screw up at least once and it fucking hurts. Why anyone would choose a completely voluntary c-section over pushing seems to me to have forgotten the whole MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY part, and the 6 weeks recovery process. Oh, and did I mention no driving for a month, so I am trapped in the house except for when someone can drive me somewhere? Makes all the extra doctor’s appointments coming up challenging…
And yes, endless doctor’s appointments. Jessie lost 11% of her body weight in the hospital because she wasn’t feeding properly due to the second tongue tie and no one noticed, or was weighing her. So when I finally got permission to leave the hospital, there was mass panic and a lactation consultant called in (the same person I’d asked to talk to twice and been dismissed by the nurses) and formula feedings and a pump acquired and so forth. Because of that, we’ve met with the public health nurses 4 times, and there have been doctor’s appointments for her with the maternity clinic and ones with my doctor due to the crushing baby blues. In her first 5 days home, there were 7 doctor’s appointments. Thank god for health care.
In happier news, I lost all the baby weight in the first week. Don’t be too surprised, as I only put on 12 pounds and had an 8 pound baby. Much more surprising is the 6 pounds I’ve lost on top of it. it doesn’t hurt that I was at my heaviest before getting pregnant, mostly due to the sadness from the miscarriage and the flood, and the corresponding drinking I did. Still, I’m quite happy with the loss.
I do wish I could exercise, however. That’s always been my number one mood fixer, and not being able to is hard. Hell, the walk to the library, less than 15 minutes away with stroller, just about killed me the other day. I had to come home, pop a T3 and lay down for an hour after that.
On the upside (and I am trying very hard to find the upsides and to stop crying all the damn time), Jessie has fully regained her birth weight, and is breastfeeding like a super star. David has been more than amazing and I thank my lucky stars I was smart enough to marry him. He’s also an ace diaper changer and excellent baby burper. And Jessie is very, very cute, and that’s not nothing.